As Always. Always Yours: Labour Day

Saturday 5 October 2013

Labour Day

This was Kurt's self portrait four years ago - his depiction of what he was going to look like when the baby was born.

It was four years ago today that I was induced. At about the exact time Gavin blows out his candles at his party this evening, four years ago I was admitted to hospital to begin a pretty crazy ride.

Tomorrow I celebrate Gavin. Right now, its all about this man. The man who blew in my face to distract me when the epidural didn't work. Who cracked a joke when the Dr. said "Oh shit" as things went awry to ease the tension. Who held my hand all night, and cried bigger tears than me when his son was finally born.

I still believe, despite the chaos in the room, the most intimate moments a couple can share are those moments when they are bringing their child into the world. I know it was for us. I treasure that day. And I miss, with all my heart, the man who shared it with me. I hold close every moment we had together. And wish, beyond all wishes, that we had been granted just one more. Gavin is the ultimate product of the best gift I have ever been blessed to receive... his love.

Thank you, Kurtis. I love you. Always

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About this blog

Life can change in a blink of an eye. A fairy tale can come to an end before the happily ever after. I learned that the hard way on August 11, 2010. That is the day my world changed. That is the day my husband died. But on the days to follow, I'm starting to learn something else as well. That even though the fairy tale is over, the story of life doesn't end. And even when the condolences have ceased, the sorrow does not disappear.

Its not always happy. Its not always sad. Sometimes its raw and painful. Sometimes its introspective. And yes, sometimes it is dare I say happy. This is another part of the story. The part that people don't always see. Its what happens between the final words and the final page. Its the blank page before you close the cover.

Its the continuation of my love story. Its the process of my grief. Its the growing relationship between me and our son. Its the rest of my life.

Life Ain't Always Beautiful - Sung by Gary Allan

Life aint always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart

Life aint always beautiful
You think you're on your way
And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day

But the struggles make you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin it's sweet time

[CHORUS]
No, life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride

Life aint always beautiful
Some days I miss your smile
I get tired of walkin all these lonely miles

And I wish for just one minute
I could see your pretty face
Guess I can dream, but life don't work that way

But the struggles make you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin it's sweet time

No, life aint always beautiful
But I know i'll be fine
Hey, life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride
What a beautiful ride

Quotes & Inspiration

I love you Mommy. ~Gavin K.C.
“Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those sense weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it. Life has to end," she said. "Love doesn't.” ~ Mitch Albom "The Five People You Meet In Heaven"
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.” ~Mary Anne Radmacher
If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you. ~Winne the Pooh
Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. ~Dale Carnegie
The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel. ~Steven Furtick
The biggest obstacles in life are the barriers our minds create. ~Unknown
Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I built my life. J.K Rowling
I am at that ledge where the choice is offered. I am carrying another life, but the choice is still mine... I cannot say that it was actually my will that has kept me from choosing to go with you. I would like to think that I am a loving mother, that I had hoped for a child long enough that I could not simply cast off that dream. But I am sure there is another, stronger will at work. If it were simply up to me, I think I would simply relax into death... Dying seems easy. Living is hell. ~Stephanie Ericsson, "Companion Through the Darkness"