So why does it matter?
In our years together, Kurt only bought me one Valentines gift. A white stuffed teddy bear holding a heart. Our first year together. And he bought it for me February 15 - at 50% off. Nothing says true love like a good discount. But that was the way were were. Nothing the day of. A surprise the day after. Not because the calendar said we had to. But because we could.
We wanted to.
So why do I miss the roses that never were? Why do I cry at the cards we never bought? The chocolate that he ate? Why does it bother me now? Not because I don't have it... because I can't have it. Not with him. It was taken away.
You take a day for lovers, remove one half of the equation, and what do you have left? A whole lot of lonely. Him and me without the him. It draws attention to what is not here. And to me. What I don't have. What I want to have again. Still.
Tomorrow as people around me are holding their loved ones close, I'll be holding a picture. A memory. And a tear.
Tomorrow I'll cling to Gavin, and pretend he is all the Valentine I need. But I'll still probably go to sleep next to a large white teddy bear, with thoughts of an even large teddy bear running rampant through my head. And as much as I want them to be, neither Gavin nor the bear will be enough.
And I doubt they'll buy my flowers or chocolates either....
What I'd do for love one more time.
What I'd do for his love.....
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