Don't get me wrong. I love my son and am daily proud of who he is becoming. But you can't deny that with his daddy's influence, he could have become someone different. Should have become someone different. I know the child of mine. But part of me feels cheated that I can never know the child of ours.
Its the same with Kurt, who never really had the opportunity to grow into his daddy role. There are days I I can see him on the floor, playing with Gavin. Hear him talking to his son. His voice, his vision so real. But only in my mind. He was so waiting for the day his son was old enough to talk to him. Play with him. As I watch Gavin now, I know Kurt was waiting for today....
Today never came. Both my husband and my son were cheated out of a future that day. And I was cheated out of the opportunity of watching two men develop into the people they were destined to be.
I guess I can't miss those men. You can't miss what you never had. What you don't even know. But I wish I'd had the opportunity to find out. Kurt was, and Gavin is, a wonderful human being. I can only imagine how much more special they would have been together.....
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