To Hear His Name

People don't say his name much.  They look away when I do.  Its like they are trying to erase his existence.  His life.  Yet I need to hear it.  Because he still lives in me and Gavin.  


My husband has a name.  I will continue to use it every chance I get.  And I ask others around me to do the same.  To honour his life.  His legacy.  To honour Kurtis.  


Please.

I didn't write this...  I wish I had.  I could have.  This poem was rephrased and based on the book “Saying Olin to Goodbye” by Donald Hackett.

SAY KURTIS ...

The time of concern is over. No longer am I asked how I am doing.
Never is the name of my partner mentioned to me. A curtain descends.
The moment has passed. A life slips from frequent recall. There are
exceptions … close and comforting friends, sensitive and loving family.
For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent.
But for me, the play will never end. The effects are timeless.
Say Kurtis to me.

On the stage of my life, he has been both lead and supporting actor.
Do not tiptoe around the greatest event of my life. Love does not die.
His name is written on my life. The sound of his voice replays within
my mind. You feel he is dead. I feel he is of the dead and still lives.
You say he was my partner. I say he is.
Say Kurtis to me and say Kurtis again.

It hurts to bury his memory in silence.
What he was in the flesh has now turned to ash.
What he is in spirit, stirs within me always.
He is of my past, but he is part of my present.
He is my hope for the future.
You say not to remind me. How little you understand that I cannot forget.
I would not if I could.
I forgive you, because you cannot know.
I strive not to judge you, for yesterday I was like you.

I do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy.
I walk it not by choice. I would rather walk it with him in the flesh.
I am what I have to be. What I have lost you cannot feel.
What I have gained you cannot see.
Say Kurtis, for he is alive in me.

He and I will meet again, though in many ways we have never parted.
He and his life play light songs on my mind, sunrises and sunsets on my dreams.
He is real and he is shadow. He was and he is.

He is my partner and I love him as I always did.
Say Kurtis to me and say Kurtis again....