Giving Thanks

Frederick Keonig once said "We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have."

Elbert Hubbard once said "I would rather be able to appreciate things I cannot have than to have things I am not able to appreciate."

With both those thoughts in mind today, Thanksgiving Day, in the pursuit of happiness, I give thanks. For what I have, and what I have had.

For Kurtis, who showed me the meaning of true love. Who taught me that I was worthy of such feelings. With whom I felt okay to be myself.

For Gavin, who gives me a purpose, gives me a reason. Who gives me something to smile about every day. He is Kurt's legacy. He is the embodiment of both the past and the future. But more importantly, he is my son.

For my parents, who gave me life. Who raised me well. Who taught me much. And whom I respect, admire, and love more than I have words for.

For family and friends, who have stuck beside me even when I wanted to be left alone. They have given me shoulders. Support. A listening ear. They have given me their time.

For the online widow and widower community. Many names who have no faces. They understand this ride in a way my "real" world cannot. They normalize the abnormal. They are my sounding board. At times my voice of reason. They have helped me out of some dark pits. Not by pulling me up, but simply because I know they are beside me as I walk through. Because I know they have walked through too. I owe them a lot. And I know none of them expect repayment in the end.

For this entire grief journey, as awful as it is. It has taught me to slow down. Listen to me. It has taught me the value of a minute. The worth of a relationship. The importance of a smile. I have seen things many others have not. And understand on a level that can only be brought about by experience. I do believe that someday, when the fog dissipates, I will be a better, more caring, more appreciative person because I have been on it. Or at least I hope to be.

I am thankful for yesterday. It has given me many memories. Many smiles. Many laughs. It has moulded me into who I am. It has not been perfect. But it has certainly not been all bad. And I wouldn't change it... except maybe a few fateful days.

I am thankful for today. For what I have around me. For what I have been given. A home, a job, a son. Love and life.

I am thankful for tomorrow. Because it offers the hope of something more. Something new. Something better. It gives me reason to push through the bad, believing that somewhere out there is good.

The sunrise, sunshine, and sunset. The changing of these seasons. The progression of years. As much as it is my enemy. As much as I dislike it, I am thankful for time.

The good and the bad. There is something to gain from every experience. You cannot always control what is thrown your way. All you can do is roll with the punches. Ride the waves. And hope it all works out in the end....

As I've quoted before, "Life ain't always beautiful. But its a beautiful ride." And as much as I dislike it. As much as I wish I were somewhere else, I'm also thankful that I'm along for the ride...