I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb
I’m falling back into a depression. I can feel it. Its been slowly building for the past couple of weeks. I had hoped it was the fallout from what had been a rough anniversary. But its not going away. Not letting up. And its getting worse quickly.
I know the signs. I’ve been here before. Mornings seem to come even that much sooner. I don’t have the will to get out of bed, even when the second alarms starts squealing. I walk into the office and feel completely overwhelmed, without even opening my email or looking at my to-do list. The weight of the world seems ten times heavier. Life is simply unappealing. I run on autopilot, doing things because they “have” to be done, not because I want to or really care. And, regardless of what I do or say or try, I just can’t get it... him... then... or now out of my mind.
It seems this past three years has been nothing but a climb. I reach a point on my mountain where I can pause, breath, enjoy the view, and with the next step I hit a cliff, or a rough patch, and find myself free falling far below. I never know how far I will fall, how long, how low. But I know that its a painful arrival back on solid ground. And when I get there, I have little choice but to look up, lick my wounds, and start all over again.
I never seem to get anywhere. Always seem to end up where I started. But I have little choice but to keep climbing.
I’m tired of this journey. The nets that used to catch me seem to have grown weaker with each successive fall. The things that helped before seem to do little now. I sincerely believe that one day this fall will kill me. I will hit rock bottom and be unable to get up again. My strength is not infinite, and I live in both fear and anticipation of that day.
From where I am today, it can’t come soon enough....
I can almost see it.
That dream I'm dreaming, but
There's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it
Every step I'm takin'
Every move I make
Feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shakin'
But I, I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high.....
I’m tired of this journey. The nets that used to catch me seem to have grown weaker with each successive fall. The things that helped before seem to do little now. I sincerely believe that one day this fall will kill me. I will hit rock bottom and be unable to get up again. My strength is not infinite, and I live in both fear and anticipation of that day.
From where I am today, it can’t come soon enough....
I can almost see it.
That dream I'm dreaming, but
There's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it
Every step I'm takin'
Every move I make
Feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shakin'
But I, I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high.....
All I can say is that if I do somehow reach the top, it had better be a damn good view.....
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