Once again, it should have been me. Kurt wanted a deep fryer. It must be a man thing. He looked at them, told me we should get one. And I kept telling him if he wanted it, he would have to buy it and learn to use it. And I'm sure he was going to. If he had survived, if the hand of fate had been more forgiving, that would have been me last year, opening a large poorly wrapped gift to yet another bulky kitchen appliance I never intended to use. It should have been me. So when once again I saw my younger sister blissfully and innocently reliving those events which should have been mind, it was another slap across the face. Another reminder that she has been blessed with something that I have not. Or at least have no longer. It seems as though there is always something. Some innocuous event just waiting to jump up and rub my reality in my face. They say one should not covet your neighbours wife, or horse, or.... Do they say anything about a deep fryer... Because damn I wish that was mine.
I can`t get that deep fryer out of my mind. I don`t know whether to shake my head at the similarities and laugh, or bury my head in my hands and cry. As I`ve done so many times before, simultaneously I`ll do both. Then go ahead and start clearing a place on my kitchen counter. In his memory, I have a deep fryer to buy. Can`t be shown up by my sister, after all....
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