Its coming. I can see it when I watch Gavin. He knows something is different. He sees others with their daddies. He has friends who have daddies. And he doesn't. Yes, he has pictures. He has videos, which he asks to watch all the time. But there's no person behind the images, not like mommy. He's getting sensitive to mommy's tears. And he acts differently around men. And he's taken a fascination with his dad. Which leads me to believe that the two-year old versions of the "heavy" question aren't far behind: "Who is my daddy?" "Where is Daddy?" "Why did Daddy die?" "Can I see him?" "Will I die too?" I really don't know what I'll say. How I'll be able to explain things that I myself don't understand. How with my wavering faith I'll be able to give explanations that offer any form of comfort. And how I'll be able to hold it all together when the time comes. I cry just thinking about it. Of the hard lessons in life my innocent little man will be forced to understand all too soon. How unfair the whole situation is - especially for him. I know I won't have the right answers. I just hope the ones I do have are enough. They don't cover this talk in any of the What To Expect books....
Why couldn't our first heavy conversation have been about the birds and the bees?
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